So, today marks the beginning of my first true fasting experience, which I must admit is quite empowering and exciting. I figured that a blog is an excellent way to keep track of my feelings during this experience and also, a nice distraction from food! I have attempted to fast before and have tried countless "detox diets" but this is the first time that I am trying this for real. Let's start at the beginning...
When I was a child and throughout my adolescence, I was pretty chubby. Never fat, just clearly not in shape (runs in my family....lucky me!) So, I dealt with the psychological ramifications for this throughout my life and it has really taken it's toll on my well-being. When I ended a 2.5 yr relationship at the age of 19, I was determined to make some changes, including weight loss. I started by losing just a few pounds and noticed the reaction all around me. Amazing how people react to weight loss...."oh my GOD, you're a DIFFERENT PERSON!" Uh, thanks...what the HELL must I have looked like before?!?!" Anyway, I got used to that and loved it. I was empowered, and even more importantly, I was HOT.
So, for about a year and a half, I became the portrait of good heath...eating in moderation and exercising, neither activity was excessive. Then, because I was feeling so amazing, I took it to the next level and started running at least 5 mi a day and restricting my calories to the point where I was actually thin for the first time in my life. 116 lbs thin, which for me is olsen twin-esque. I becae so obsessed that I started exercising purely as a means of ridding my body of calories, not because it felt great anymore. I also started getting rid of food through purging. For the few years post-college I have been on and off bulimic and in and out of therapy. As a result, I have gained a noticeable amount of weight, pretty much my worse nightmare.
This past weekend, I ran into a few people that I knew in college at a graduation party. It was a horrible experience for me, as I am so unhappy with my body that I have lost enjoyment in social activities. Therefore, I know that I need to make a change. Although my binging and purging episodes are less prevalent than they used to be, they still occur and are seriously hindering my weight loss. I am engaging in this 10 day (perhaps more if I feel inclined) fast in order to jump start a healthy lifestyle. I have several vacations coming up in the next few months and would like to wear a bathing suit without feeling terrible about myself.
Since this is my first fast, I am kind of going to take things in stride. Ideally, I would like to be on a water fast for at least 3 days, as I know that the health benefits of fasting do not kick in until this time. I have been taking a weight loss supplement for about 3 weeks and will discontinue it while fasting. I plan on continuing my exercise regimen as much as possible. It hasn't been strenuous at all lately...working out with hydrolic machines at curves for women and walking about 40 min a day during the week and 1 hr per day on the weekends. Had a bout of tendonitis in my left ankle and haven't been running since.
So far I'm feeling ok. I am physically hungry right now and have been since this afternoon, but I realize that this will dissipate as I get further involved in the fasting process. I plan on taking a lot of walks and maybe going back to yoga as a distraction from thinking about food. Since I won't have to devote energy towards meal preparation for a few days, I plan on doing some house cleaning and continuing to study for my last final tomorrow evening. I also would like to get to bed very early tonight. Will be avoiding TV as much as I possibly can (though I will watch American Idol and Grey's Anatomy...come on!!!) I also recently purchased an MP3 player, so I will also rely on music as a distraction. I am hoping to drop a good 15 lbs doing this so I will gain confidence and feel better about my body. Upon breaking the fast, I hope to begin a vegetarian diet, as this has proven to be beneficial for me in the past. I think that this is an excellent idea...the main challenge will be to remind myself of my goals and to not lose sight of why I am doing this: to increase my spiritual connection with God and nature and to feel better about the way that I look and feel so that I may begin to live a full life. Here goes!
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